


Evergreen

by gr8escap



Series: Neighbors [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Political Animals
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:05:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9049129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gr8escap/pseuds/gr8escap





	

Steve quietly moved around the sofa to the chair in the corner to tie his running shoes, TJ was still laid out across the sofa where he’d collapsed in a sugar coated haze at some-thirty in the morning. The cookies had all, finally, been iced, and they’d both sat down for a breather before Steve’s very noble intention of putting the cookies away and cleaning up the mess they’d made. Steve smiled at the memory of sticky fingers and really, really bad first attempts on both sides.

It was probably the wrong idea, to eat a cookie so early in the morning, Steve reprimanded himself halfheartedly, as he bit the head off one of the less attractive Santas, but he was going running, so he forgave himself easily. He looked at the Christmas decorations that were spread out in his art space. They’d talked about hanging them, but cookie decorating got in the way. They’d have to do it later today, if he could enlist TJ’s help after the Whitehouse adventure, Steve thought, making a mental note to find something nice to do for TJ in return for his friendly offering.

* * *

TJ woke up disoriented, but pleasantly so, at least the strange sofa he pushed up from wasn’t that strange after all, and he had full recollection of the night before. “Damn that’s a lot of cookies.” He muttered as he looked around. There was a _really ugly_ Santa and an equally unimpressive tree propped up next to a note telling TJ that Steve had gone for a run. “Oh my god, this early? I’m friends with a freak.” The mumble continued, around the head of Ugly Santa. TJ picked up his shoes and headed downstairs to his apartment, eating the rest of Ugly Santa. He should have plenty of time to shower and get ready, and maybe even run down to the tree lot to replace the garland and wreath he’d given to Steve, before they had to meet up. 

* * *

Steve got a text from TJ with a ‘thanks’, and did he “still want to go see the gingerbread house? Oh and I left the Christmas music on. Ho, ho, ho. No Humbug”. Steve took a deep breath when he went into his place, the aroma of cookies and pine was subtle and sweet. Not two songs in, “Blue Christmas” brought the mood down instantly, as the lyrics hit Steve hard. He sat heavily on the sofa, considering cancelling on TJ, but the thought of trying to do something opposite of feeling sorry for himself, opposite of sitting alone all day in his apartment, spurred him toward the shower.

Steve’s restless malaise pushed him back out of the apartment as soon as he was cleaned up and dressed. He considered taking off, again blowing off TJ’s invitation, but found himself knocking on TJ’s door instead.

“Hey.” TJ grinned as he opened the door, before registering a serious lack of enthusiasm on the other side of the threshold. “What’s wrong?”

“I guess I could only chase it away for so long.”

“Come in, sit down.” TJ stepped aside, “too much celebration?”

“Too much is _missing_. How do you do it? How do you play those songs and not just…”

“I don’t know.” TJ sat next to Steve on the couch. “I thought leaving the music on would be a good idea, I’m sorry. What one did this to you?”

“Blue Christmas?” Steve looked up at TJ, “I’ve heard it a dozen times, it’s not my first Christmas since everything…”

“The recipe cards, cooking and celebrating, and then a song. They all bring back memories, and even the good ones can suck when you realize you’re remembering them by yourself.”

“How’d you know?”

“It’s not my first Christmas alone. I’m a seasoned professional. No, seriously, I can’t listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” alone, and it’s hard to hear it sometimes at all. More than once, it’s triggered my PTSD for the suicide attempt.”

“Shit, I’m sorry TJ. How do you handle it?”

“Don’t be, I’m just being open, not asking for sympathy. I used to handle it with booze and drugs. Now? I’m still figuring that out, another problem with Christmas? It comes and it goes, which means as soon as you think you’ve mastered how to handle it, it’s gone, so next time you just start over.”

“If I could find Bucky, and know he was ok, that would be a start. Peggy’s not well. Her family has taken her home, and I don’t know when I can get away to see her again.”

“But you should realize, the fact that you can’t find him probably means he’s fine. If he wasn’t ok, you’d find out pretty quickly.”

“Somehow stealth and trickiness just aren’t reassuring enough, but thanks for trying.” Steve ran a hand over the back of his neck.

“Did you want to blow off today? I’d understand if you did.”

“No, the opposite, I think.” Steve sat forward, “I was pretty sure I was running away from everything today, but found myself here instead.”

“Hey, good to know our talk worked. I was about to go down to the tree lot, if you want to come?”

“Yeah, I can tag along.”

“Were you still thinking about getting a tree?” TJ grabbed his coat and his keys.

“We’ll see if anything grabs my attention.” 

* * *

TJ wasn’t sure if the giant flakes of snow falling as they got out of the car at the tree lot were a Christmas blessing, or a royal curse, until he saw the smile tug at Steve’s mouth.

“Hey, want some hot cocoa?” Steve’s silence through the ride over was replaced with a sort of energy that TJ recognized as what his father would call ‘ _gumption_ ’. He was going to push through the day, and maybe even enjoy it.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’ll be great, but it’ll be warm.” TJ warned, following Steve from the car to the trailer selling hot chocolate.

“You never know, TJ. Always be ready for a surprise.”

“You’ve had some of the worst surprises _ever_. How could you still actively seek one?” TJ asked after Steve ordered and paid for both cocoas.

“Because some of them can still be good.”

“Like what?” TJ cocked his head, making Steve laugh.

“I was surprised to find out my neighbor wasn’t just a spoiled socialite.”

“I was surprised to find out that mine had extensive tastes in music and was a decent baker.” TJ leaned against the cart full of stir-ins that was next to the trailer.

“Thanks.” TJ heard the depth of meaning behind the single word Steve offered, still stoic, and reserved, but opening up little by little. TJ recognized that too. As much as TJ said things aloud, there was something underneath that he had only recently started sharing in exploring in therapy.

“Yeah, I mean, just because you have a stubborn streak, doesn’t mean you’re not pretty open-minded.”

“You’re not stubborn?”

“I’m horribly stubborn. I’m out here getting a tree – and garland for the second time – when my grandmother offered the whole nine yards in my apartment. I have to make a point.”

“But are you open minded?” Steve looked over his shoulder at TJ as he picked up their drinks.

“I'm not.” TJ laughed. “I mean I am in some circumstances, but not in others, and that’s something I’m working on.”

“Family circumstances?”

“Mostly, yeah.” TJ took his cocoa and warmed both hands with the cup. “Thank you.”

They wandered the trees, looking at, and shaking snow off from potentials. “What would you want in a tree Steve?”

“Something that might fit next to the art table, I’d rather not rearrange too much. I guess it would have to be narrow, but it could be tall. The apartment has nice high ceilings. What about you?”

“Big and fat and full of messy needles! It has to be bushy and entirely too big to get up the stairs.”

“Sounds like a problem.”

“That’s why you're here.”

“Wow, ok, I see how it is.” Steve nodded, taking a sip of his now lukewarm cocoa.

TJ laughed, rounding the row of trees to find a tall slender tree, “Your tree?”

“It looks…” Steve tilted his head left then right, surveying the tree that did seem to fit his vague description, “passable.”

“Ok, so tag it. If you change your mind, or find a better one – you’re not going to find a better one - you can let them know.”

Steve smirked at TJ’s one-sided banter, as he handed TJ his cocoa so he could stick the purple tag on the tree. “I’m going to pick yours then, since I have to muscle it through the stairway.”

“Good luck. I’m very picky. Hey, I’m going back for another cup of cocoa that I can drink half of before it gets cold, do you want a fresh, hot one?”

“I _was_ losing interest. Yeah, I’ll take another, thanks TJ.” Steve stood surveying the conifer that could be coming home with him. The pang from earlier hadn’t diminished enough, he was no longer as sure that he wanted to commit to something as big as decorating, as he’d been just last night. Steve was jostled from his thoughts by a slight touch on his elbow and an “oh shit.”

Steve turned to see TJ at his side, with a furrowed brow and two steaming cups of cocoa. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t believe that.” TJ quirked his head toward a couple. Steve couldn’t recognize the duo, “he dumped me because he couldn’t be outed.”

“The reason for the Christmas kid gloves?”

“Yeah, looks like he’s out now, or doesn’t care if anyone finds out.”

“Are you ok? What can I do?”

“You? You can take your drink and find my tree.” TJ said with a forced smile. “We’ll get this stuff delivered and head over to see the gingerbread house.”

“You sure you don’t want to make a scene? I’m not oblivious to my appeal, not being narcissistic here, but we could give him a little business.”

“No, if he comes around, I’ll be polite because I have to. I’m mostly over him. I might be bitter over his timing, but he treated me badly in the end, and he’s not worth it. If we see my grandmother, that’s when you can put your plan in motion. I like to mess with her when I can.” TJ smiled a huge, amused smile. He felt better with the thought as they moved toward the bushier trees.

TJ found and tagged the most opulent tree he could see on the lot, “you should watch a YouTube video and string the lights on both trees. I mean you’re pretty gifted, and I haven’t heard you curse yet.”

“So, is your goal to get me to swear? Or to use me as slave labor?”

“I mean, I’ve got you here, why not both?” TJ laughed, bumping shoulders with Steve, causing him to jostle against the man walking past.

“I’m sorry.” Steve said earnestly.

“Shit, I’m sorry, that was my f…” TJ’s nervous, apologetic laugh fell flat when he realized Contact had just been made with Sean Reeves. “Sean.”

Steve noticed the emotionless word, not bitter, not polite, just flat. “Mr. Reeves, our apologies.” Steve offered politely to fill the void.

“TJ.” The senator’s voice sounded surprised. His eyes flitted from Steve to TJ and back, and TJ was secretly bolstered by the realization that no pretense had been made, but the discomfort was _still_ a tiny bit satisfying.

“Hey, small world. I didn’t think I’d run into you at a tree lot.” TJ put on the polite charm his family was known for. “Steve, this is Sean Reeves, Sean, Steve Rogers.”

He let their relationship hang; after all, ‘my neighbor’ would be interpreted as anything Sean wanted it to be, so no explanation was just as well, if not safer.

Sean introduced Martin, his friend, and thankfully, Steve steered the conversation, “Well, it was nice to meet you, we’d better pay for our stuff so that our plans for the day aren’t delayed.” At the register, Steve smiled at TJ, “I mean… you didn’t want to have a conversation, did you?”

“No, not really.” TJ admitted, “Thank you for your skilled maneuvering.” TJ made arrangements to have the evergreens delivered to their building, and Steve listened as TJ called someone at the apartment to ask them to let the delivery into his place as they made their way through the increasing snow toward TJ’s car.

“So, are you really ok?” Steve found himself prodding once they were in the car, knowing damned well that was someone else’s influence, smiling as he thought of his friends.

“Oddly? More ok than I’d have expected. I guess time really does give perspective. He’s obviously still not ‘out’, or that would be all over the news, but he’s getting more daring. Does that hurt? A little, but I’ve already hurt over him, I’m not going to give him the power hurt me anymore.”

“I have two things to say; I’m really glad to hear that, and thank you for distracting me this morning from my own setback.”

“Hey, that’s not fair; I can’t even say I did it for your services as a lumberjack, because they’re delivering to my apartment.”

“Well, I guess your secret’s out. You don’t just like me for my body.”

“Oh my god.” TJ laughed, “You’re such a dork.”


End file.
